Teaching "life-skills" and fostering work ethic in the home not only sets our children up for success in adulthood—it shifts the cultural outlook toward work
Might I gently suggest exploring your thought process a little further? You posited that men once protected us, then other protections arose, diminishing our need for male guardianship. This seems to be the common endpoint of this line of thought. But honestly, what reciprocal role did we play for them?
In my work as a coach, I witness this dynamic unfold repeatedly, which is rather disheartening.
It's the woman guarding her space, and the man guarding his. And the predictable justifications, such as, "Well, you know how men are about cleaning.”
I recommend Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent - video course online. How to learn to set boundaries, make agreements and plenty more.
Yes. It's just work! Something we often say on our little farm. I was born into a Mennonite community that often had distinct roles for sexes to play. I was not wiling to get married until I left all that and found a man who told me he didn't want to go through life with a doormat for a wife. I appreciate him so much for how he jumps in with literally every task. Nothing is too "women's work" for him. And nothing is too "man's work" for me.
That bit about men not doing anything until it affects them! I have -sooooo many times- worked things around, or just presented things in a way to make it have effect, just to get shit done in a timely fashion. “It’s a fire hazard” was one of my evil little ways. I have lots of others, but frankly I’m fkn tired. JUST DO SHIT.
Yup! It's stressful and makes me anxious when I have to beg and plead and finagle to get whatever the thing that needs done done. They don't get it and I'm tired of asking.
I totally get where you’re coming from, but I would suggest that it’s up to us as women to educate our sons and teach them about the kind of equality that we are teaching our daughters to want in a relationship. It’s hard. My husband is of a generation caught in the middle between his mother and grandmother, women who do everything for men and now where women like me expect an equal partnership.
It is not up to us women to take the burden of educating our sons to not leave all the work to women. That undermines and defeats the entire point. It’s up to the men to teach the boys. And other men to teach the other men if they want a world where they can date women who find them interesting, thoughtful, capable, responsible human beings. Men need to do this work.
Our ancient history doesn’t support the commonplace thesis that men protected women and women did ‘Women’s work”. That is a male view of history, using the framing of our contemporary Western culture. Women were involved in hunting, fishing,and fighting. It’s just that male historians mis-identified their bones as boys. There is a fantastic burial site discovered in a Scandinavian country (I forget which) of a highly decorated female warrior. It took a minute for the historians to believe the burial was for a female.
When humans developed agriculture, men and women did most field and animal work interchangeably. Just the tasks that involved more brute strength were saved for men. Old cultures just had to survive and get the work done. They didn’t have the same cultural framing we have now. Women did do a lot of the cooking tasks, mainly because they kept the babies with them there.
Now, women aren’t held hostage to men like our grandmothers and mothers were. We’ve used the freedom gained from the feminist movement of the 1970’s to get educated, become accomplished athletes, develop hobbies, and on and on. But the backlash happening now is because in the past thirty years, men haven’t kept up with women. They still want all the free labor they used to get. They blame women for their boring lives. The ‘crisis of loneliness’ men are experiencing was caused by men themselves but the men who talk about it want women to fix it. And women aren’t putting up with that anymore.
Might I gently suggest exploring your thought process a little further? You posited that men once protected us, then other protections arose, diminishing our need for male guardianship. This seems to be the common endpoint of this line of thought. But honestly, what reciprocal role did we play for them?
In my work as a coach, I witness this dynamic unfold repeatedly, which is rather disheartening.
It's the woman guarding her space, and the man guarding his. And the predictable justifications, such as, "Well, you know how men are about cleaning.”
I recommend Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent - video course online. How to learn to set boundaries, make agreements and plenty more.
Yes. It's just work! Something we often say on our little farm. I was born into a Mennonite community that often had distinct roles for sexes to play. I was not wiling to get married until I left all that and found a man who told me he didn't want to go through life with a doormat for a wife. I appreciate him so much for how he jumps in with literally every task. Nothing is too "women's work" for him. And nothing is too "man's work" for me.
That bit about men not doing anything until it affects them! I have -sooooo many times- worked things around, or just presented things in a way to make it have effect, just to get shit done in a timely fashion. “It’s a fire hazard” was one of my evil little ways. I have lots of others, but frankly I’m fkn tired. JUST DO SHIT.
Yup! It's stressful and makes me anxious when I have to beg and plead and finagle to get whatever the thing that needs done done. They don't get it and I'm tired of asking.
I totally get where you’re coming from, but I would suggest that it’s up to us as women to educate our sons and teach them about the kind of equality that we are teaching our daughters to want in a relationship. It’s hard. My husband is of a generation caught in the middle between his mother and grandmother, women who do everything for men and now where women like me expect an equal partnership.
I just don't believe it should be the responsibility of women alone. I feel like we already make too many concessions for men.
It is not up to us women to take the burden of educating our sons to not leave all the work to women. That undermines and defeats the entire point. It’s up to the men to teach the boys. And other men to teach the other men if they want a world where they can date women who find them interesting, thoughtful, capable, responsible human beings. Men need to do this work.
Exactly!!
In my Substack you should read "Mom VS the IRS." You might get an idea on how the world worked on my family's farm.
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Enjoyable bit of Time Travel. Nice to revisit the 1980s.
Our ancient history doesn’t support the commonplace thesis that men protected women and women did ‘Women’s work”. That is a male view of history, using the framing of our contemporary Western culture. Women were involved in hunting, fishing,and fighting. It’s just that male historians mis-identified their bones as boys. There is a fantastic burial site discovered in a Scandinavian country (I forget which) of a highly decorated female warrior. It took a minute for the historians to believe the burial was for a female.
When humans developed agriculture, men and women did most field and animal work interchangeably. Just the tasks that involved more brute strength were saved for men. Old cultures just had to survive and get the work done. They didn’t have the same cultural framing we have now. Women did do a lot of the cooking tasks, mainly because they kept the babies with them there.
Now, women aren’t held hostage to men like our grandmothers and mothers were. We’ve used the freedom gained from the feminist movement of the 1970’s to get educated, become accomplished athletes, develop hobbies, and on and on. But the backlash happening now is because in the past thirty years, men haven’t kept up with women. They still want all the free labor they used to get. They blame women for their boring lives. The ‘crisis of loneliness’ men are experiencing was caused by men themselves but the men who talk about it want women to fix it. And women aren’t putting up with that anymore.