Finally Old Enough to Not Give a F*ck
The most profound thing about becoming a 40-something year old woman…
Gently, I blew the sage smoke upward into the high ceiling's corner, cleansing this old house in the ancient way. My farming ambitions have been all consuming these last 7 years and now I am reclaiming parts of my life that have fallen by the wayside—beginning with my house…
Welcome to the latest Updates From the Farm! If you are new here, I invite you to check out my About page to learn what this is, who I am and why I am doing this. Or just dive right in! At “Runamuk Acres” you’ll find the recantings of one lady-farmer and tree-hugging activist from the western mountains of Maine. #foodieswanted
In This Post:
Sometimes Farming Looks Like…
Effie
Finally Old Enough to Not Give a F*ck
Folks—This Ain’t Normal
Video-Update
Sometimes Farming Looks Like…
We completed our off-farm work earlier in the week so that we could stay on the farm Friday. School garden meeting—check! All three of the garden gigs—check. Tuesday's hour-and-ten-minute drive to Rumford for BraeTek's first photo ID—check. Thursday morning’s very important meeting with my potential “big fish” client—done.
Friday dawned and I decided to spend the day cleaning the house! My goal was to clean the floors, declutter spaces and sweep the cobwebs, but first—the smudging ritual.
Exciting stuff—I know, lol. But sometimes farming looks a lot like housework.
Effie
This ritual feels especially important because I'm a firm believer that a house is a living entity—not just shelter, but a conscious being with its own spirit.
I call her: Effie…
Built in 1901, this big old house is now 124 years old. I wonder at the tales she could tell, having witnessed countless seasons, storms, and stories. The floorboards creak with memory, the walls hold the warmth of generations, and every corner seems to exhale the breath of all who've called it home.
We each came to the relationship a little salty, I think.
She’d known the same family for multiple generations. They were reluctant to give her up but age demanded it.
For my part, this house was my last resort. It was a last-ditch effort to save my once-in-a-lifetime chance at home—and farm—ownership.
In the 7 years since, Effie has become very dear to me. After a lifetime spent moving frequently from one home to the next, having someplace to put down roots has been empowering. It’s brought stability, comfort and reassurance not just to my own life—but also to the lives of my son and my sister.
Every day I give thanks for this big old house, along with the outbuildings and the acreage she came with.
Like the ancient traditions that recognize consciousness in stones and trees, I believe the very materials of this house—the timber hewn from the forests, fieldstone foundation pulled from Maine soil—retain something of their original life force. When I sage these rooms, I'm not just clearing energy—I'm having a conversation with the house itself, acknowledging its spirit and asking for partnership in the work ahead.
Finally Old Enough to Not Give a F*ck
The recent pantry project, this cleaning ritual—it's all part of reclaiming my life.
The farm has been all-consuming for far too long, and as I navigate this mid-life transition, reclaiming my spaces feels essential. The house, the garage, the barn—each one represents a piece of myself I've let slip away in service to the endless demands of farming.
With my 45th birthday less than two weeks away, I'm acutely aware that half my life has passed. That awareness, amplified by the maelstrom of current events, has created a profound urgency to embrace all the parts of myself I’ve thus far denied.
Plus—this:
No more putting myself in places or situations that use and abuse me. No more sacrificing myself for the sake of productivity. And especially no more caring what other people think of me!
I’m finally old enough to not give a f*ck.
That’s probably the most profound thing about becoming a 40-something year old woman… We’re all tired of looking after everyone else. Tired of societal expectations. We’re either experiencing symptoms of perimenopause or we’re going through menopause—and we simply do not care about certain things anymore.
➡️Melanie is my new favorite on Insta…
And this song has been running through my head for days!⬇️⬇️
Folks—This Ain’t Normal
I, for one, am determined never to take another "job" for the rest of my life. I would rather piece together my income from multiple streams than ever again be another cog in the industrial machine that is bleeding our people dry.
After watching Jim Merkel’s film: “Saving Walden’s World”, I’ve come to realize that keeping my income low means I'm not contributing tax dollars to fund America's corporate wars. That’s a bit of a game changer.
Now I see this “voluntary simplicity”—what others might call poverty—as both a form of protest against the system and a way of aligning my household with how the majority of the world's people actually live.
Here's the hard truth, folks: this ain’t normal.
The way we live in America—scrolling and shopping, consuming and having things shipped to our door every day—is not normal. Not to mention the sudden surge in fascism…
We exist in a consumer society, a dominator culture where endless growth and acquisition are treated as virtues. We've created a system where compassion is dismissed as weakness and any attempt to live within our planetary means gets condemned as being "woke"—as if consciousness and care for our shared home were somehow radical concepts.
But what if the real radicalism lies in stepping away from this machinery of destruction?
What if choosing less—less consumption, less participation in extractive capitalism, less complicity in systems that prioritize profit over people—is actually the most revolutionary act we can take?
Cleaning this old house with love and intention, honoring the spirit within its walls, choosing self-employment over corporate servitude—rejecting the consumer mentality—these aren't just personal choices. This is embodying a different way of being in the world.
➡️“Be the change you want to see in the world.”
Video-Update
On that note—I’m going to switch gears and finish the rest of this farm-update in a video exclusively for paid subscribers. I have news to share about the school garden and the “big fish” client I mentioned a while back. I’ll also show you the “gate” I made to deter a local ATV’r who has disregarded signage in the conservation acreage and I’ve finally had enough.
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